We just got back from New York for the Brazil vs Norway FIFA World Cup round of 16 on Fourth of July weekend. 25,000 steps through diabolical Manhattan heat. And all I could think about walking through the city was the women I passed dressed head to toe in long sleeves and pants - and how many of them were doing it for exactly the reason I see every single day.
You can have all the financial freedom in the world. You can afford the trip, the bag, the vacation, the sports fees, the Disney experience. But if you do not have the freedom to actually enjoy any of it - to show up in the photo, to jump in the pool, to say yes to the invite without dreading it - what did you build all of that for?
This episode is about the kind of freedom nobody talks about on the Fourth of July.
In this episode, we talk about:
- The difference between financial freedom and the freedom to actually show up in your life
- What walking through New York on the 4th of July made me think about
- Why you can afford the vacation and still spend the whole trip hiding in the background
- The woman who could not justify investing in herself but just received an eight thousand dollar bag
- Why telling women to just wear the swimsuit is emotional gaslighting not empowerment
- What a family member's health limitations taught me about taking physical freedom for granted
- Why putting your family first when you have not invested in yourself is counterproductive
- The one question to ask yourself that has nothing to do with money
Money cannot buy you the freedom to be present in your own life. That one you have to build yourself. This episode is asking whether you are actually free to live the life you have worked so hard to afford.
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Podcast Transcript
You Have the Financial Freedom to Afford the Life. But Are You Free to Actually Live It?
INTRODUCTION
I open by sharing that Roger and I just got back from New York City where we went to watch Brazil versus Norway in the FIFA World Cup round of 16 - a spontaneous decision that came from having the financial freedom and flexibility to say yes. We arrived on the Fourth of July, the 250th anniversary of American independence, and I reflect on how grateful I am for that kind of freedom having moved to this country at twenty years old with three hundred and fifty dollars to my name.
WHAT I SAW WALKING THROUGH NEW YORK
Walking through Manhattan in diabolical heat, I noticed something that I would not have thought twice about if I did not do what I do - women dressed in long pants and long sleeves in that heat. And I knew from the hundreds of conversations I have every day that many of those women were covering up not because of fashion but because of the discomfort they feel in their bodies. It was ironic to be thinking about freedom on the very day this country celebrates it.
FINANCIAL FREEDOM VS BODY FREEDOM
We talk endlessly as a society about financial freedom - the ability to buy the bag, take the trip, put kids in travel sports, afford the best seats. But we almost never talk about the other kind of freedom that makes any of that actually enjoyable. You can afford the Maldives vacation and post the Instagram-worthy photos. But if you are spending the whole trip thinking about what is spilling out of your bathing suit, dreading standing up, staying on the sidelines, or taking only neck-stretched selfies - what is the point of having the financial freedom to afford it?
THE FAMILY MEMBER CONVERSATION
The same week I booked this trip to New York I had a conversation with a family member who has never been intentional about their health. When I asked what they were doing for summer vacation the response was that their options were very limited because they did not know if they would be physically able to keep up with the walking in the places they wanted to go. I went into that entire New York trip carrying that conversation and being extra intentional about noticing what physical freedom actually looks like in practice.
THE EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLAR BAG
I share a story from about six months ago - a woman who described not wanting to go on date nights with her husband, only wearing hoodies in the Texas heat, dreading being outside in shorts, avoiding her kids' outdoor sports events. She said she could not justify investing in herself. In the same conversation she mentioned her husband had just gifted her an eight thousand dollar bag. That story has stayed with me because it represents exactly how we have lost sight of what freedom actually is.
TOXIC POSITIVITY IS NOT THE ANSWER
I address the response I know is coming - that women should just wear what they want, embrace their bodies, go on queen. I agree with all of it in theory. But telling women how they should feel does not stop them from actually feeling the way they feel. I call it emotional gaslighting - instructing women to perform confidence they do not have instead of addressing the root cause of why they do not have it. I speak with women every single day who open with the body positivity language and five questions later are describing the real thing - the hiding, the avoiding, the photos not taken, the trips not enjoyed.
THE REAL QUESTION
Financial freedom is real and I am all about it - I am living proof of the American dream from that perspective. But money cannot buy you the freedom to be present in your own life. That one you have to build yourself. The question to ask is not how much more money do I need. It is: am I actually free in the body I live in right now? Because if the answer is no then everything you are working so hard to build and afford is being experienced at about fifty percent of what it could be.
CLOSING
I close by connecting the freedom conversation to the priority conversation. Women say their family is their priority - but if they cannot show up at their kids' sports events, cannot get in the pool, cannot take the photo, cannot ask for the raise with confidence, the very thing they are prioritizing is getting shortchanged because they have not made themselves the foundation. There is a saying in Portuguese - coffins do not have drawers. We only get one life. The goal is to be free enough to actually live it.
