Have you ever caught yourself saying any of these? It's not that bad. I'm probably the fittest of my friends. I look good for my age. I don't mean to be vain. If you have, this episode is about what those words are actually costing you.
In almost two decades of coaching I have noticed one pattern more than any other. It's not that bad is where extraordinary women go to live a mediocre existence. And the most dangerous part is that it happens so slowly that nobody ever notices it happening - including the woman it is happening to.
You did not come into this world to settle. This episode is the reminder you did not know you needed.
In this episode, we talk about:
- What shifting baseline syndrome is and why it explains exactly how standards slip
- The broken window theory and what one unaddressed standard does to everything around it
- Why the average American gains 1.1 to 2.2 pounds per year and what that adds up to over time
- The story of Laurel who said it's not that bad and is now playing tag for 30 minutes without a knee brace
- Why Cornell research shows over half of all regret in life is regret of inaction
- Why wanting to look and feel amazing is not vanity - it is the gateway to being fully present
- What a 66-year-old member said that should stop every woman in her 30s and 40s in her tracks
- Why you are not afraid of failing - you are already failing - and trying gives you a 50/50 shot
Nobody becomes chronically unhappy with their body overnight. It is always the death by a thousand paper cuts. This episode is about catching yourself before extraordinary starts to quietly slip away.
Ever wish you had a fit and straightforward BFF with over 15 years of experience to help you filter through all the information regarding fitness, nutrition, and life? That's exactly what you'll get when you listen to the Unfiltered Fit Life Podcast.
Join Former Bikini Olympia Champion, mom of 2, and fitness coach Nathalia Melo each week as she shares fitness, nutrition, and life tips to help busy working moms simplify their fitness journey so they can learn easy and simple strategies on how to lose weight and feel sexy AF.
After helping over 5000 busy working moms, Nathalia has found the blueprint to fitness, nutrition, and life success, which she will be sharing in this podcast: actionable tips that will help busy working moms be more present at work and at home.
This show is for you if you realize that nothing good comes from your comfort zone and are ready to challenge yourself to achieve great things. Follow Unfiltered Fit Life wherever you are listening to join us each week for a splash of sass, humor, and a whole lotta truth.
Podcast Transcript
What to Do When Where You Are Is "Not That Bad"
INTRODUCTION
I open by asking listeners if they have ever said any of these phrases - it's not that bad, I'm probably the fittest of my friends, I look good for my age, I don't mean to be vain. I frame the episode around what I have noticed in almost two decades of coaching: that it's not that bad is exactly where extraordinary women go to live a mediocre existence, and that nobody ever notices it happening because the shift is always gradual.
SHIFTING BASELINE SYNDROME
I introduce the concept of shifting baseline syndrome, coined by fishery scientist Daniel Pauly in 1995. Each new generation of fishermen used the fish population they saw at the start of their careers as the baseline for what counted as normal - even though that baseline was already lower than the one before it. The population could crash by 90% over a century and nobody in that chain ever experienced a single catastrophic moment. I draw the direct parallel to women's fitness standards - nobody gains 50 pounds overnight, nobody goes from feeling amazing to dreading the park with their kids in one day. It happens one small lowering of the bar at a time.
THE BROKEN WINDOW THEORY
I introduce the broken window theory, coined by James Wilson and George Kelling, which states that when one broken window in a building goes unrepaired it signals that nobody is watching and nobody cares - which then invites more disorder, more decay, and eventually a complete collapse. I connect this directly to how settling for it's not that bad in one area of life progressively erodes the standards in everything around it - including how you lead your team, show up in your marriage, and model behavior for your children.
THE MATH OF GOING AVERAGE
The average American adult gains 1.1 to 2.2 pounds per year from early to middle adulthood. A nurses' health study found that women gained an average of 28 pounds across 37 years - just under a pound a year. For every 11 pounds gained the risk of chronic disease rises sharply. One pound per year for 14 years equals a 38% higher cancer risk. I walk through the specific cycle of how the baseline number keeps shifting - starting at 135, gaining five, losing three, gaining ten - and suddenly the person is measuring against 143 instead of 135 without ever realizing the original number has been abandoned.
LAUREL'S STORY
I share the story of Laurel, a Powerhouse Academy member who by any external standard looked fine when she joined. She used the language of it's not that bad consistently - her friends said she looked fine, she could still hike with her kids even if her knees hurt and she had to wear a brace. She did not want to be vain. I then read a message she sent to the group chat about playing tag with her kids for 30 minutes straight on a toy structure, jumping from heights, with no knee pain - compared to barely lasting 10 minutes last summer and waking up every morning in aching discomfort. She no longer needs the knee brace to lift or hike. This is what was on the other side of it's not that bad.
VANITY IS NOT THE ENEMY
I address the belief that wanting to look and feel better is vanity. Women who say they cannot justify investing in themselves for their families are often the same women hiding in photos at family events, turning down date nights because nothing fits, and postponing vacations because the thought of a swimsuit sends them into a spiral. Being present, energetic, confident, and fully there for the people you love is not vanity - it is the whole point.
THE CORNELL REGRET RESEARCH
I reference research from Cornell psychologist Tom Gilovich showing that over half of all regret in life is regret of inaction - not regret of things done. The version of you that is settling for it's not that bad is slowly letting down the version of you that you actually want to become. I push back on the fear of failure by pointing out that if someone has been trying on their own and not getting results they are already failing - and trying something different at least gives them a 50/50 shot.
THE 66-YEAR-OLD MEMBER
I close with a message from a 66-year-old Powerhouse Academy member who says the program has truly brought her clarity and that she wishes she had found it ten years ago. I use this not to sell the program but to put time into perspective for every woman in her 30s, 40s, and 50s who is currently waiting, settling, or living in it's not that bad - and to ask them directly how they want to choose to live the one life they have.
CLOSING
I close by challenging listeners to catch themselves the next time they lower the bar and call it fine. The extraordinary version of you does not disappear in one moment - it slips away one it's not that bad at a time. You did not come into this world to settle. Go out there and be amazing.
