The Delusion Epidemic: Why High-Achieving Women Settle for Less With Their Bodies

The Delusion Epidemic: Why High-Achieving Women Settle for Less With Their Bodies

THE BURGER MOMENT THAT SNAPPED ME OUT OF IT

I open with a story from about twenty years ago, shortly after I moved to the US from Brazil, when I kept complaining about gaining weight without doing anything about it. A friend watched me reach for a burger and called out the gap between what I said I wanted and what I was doing. Some people would take that as offensive, but for me it ended a level of delusion I now see in so many women.

WHAT I CALL THE DELUSION EPIDEMIC

I talk with thousands of women every month, and the ones who frustrate me most are incredibly competent women who hold a high standard for their careers, their homes and their families but not for their bodies. I explain why this episode is a rant, why I went without an outline, and why I needed more than an Instagram post to say it.

"IT'S NOT THAT BAD" AND "I LOOK GOOD FOR MY AGE"

I break down the lines I hear most often, including it's not that bad, it could be worse and I look pretty good compared to my friends. I ask you to picture a business owner who would never tolerate a team member who is 45 minutes late and calls it a win because everyone else is an hour late.

YOU CANNOT COMPARTMENTALIZE YOUR BODY

I explain why you cannot box up how you feel in your body the way you can with other problems. You meet the reminder every time you pass a mirror or your pants feel tighter, and the problem grows quietly because the excuses pile up one day at a time.

THE C OR D GRADE TEST

I ask the moms listening whether they would accept "at least it's not an F" from their child, and I extend the same test to your team and to someone in a leadership role who says they only miss work a few days a week. You already know the answer for them, and I ask why it changes when the standard is for you.

HORMONES, PERIMENOPAUSE AND AGENCY

As someone in perimenopause, I make it clear that hormonal challenges are real. My point is about agency and not settling, because you can use your hormones as the reason nothing changes or you can ask what has stopped working and what you can control.

WHEN LIFE IS TOO BUSY

I address the busyness excuse head on. My life has gotten busier every year since I became an adult, so the choice is to learn how to work with a busy life or to keep complaining and stay stuck.

HOW YOUR BODY CHANGES HOW YOU SHOW UP

I use the closet example to show how an hour of trying on outfits and arriving at work already frustrated changes your energy, your confidence and your presence. I also challenge the idea that feeling uncomfortable in your clothes has no effect on your social life, and I explain why this goes beyond the number on the scale.

"MY HUSBAND LOVES ME AS I AM" AND PUTTING YOURSELF LAST

I respond to the belief that your family comes first by asking whether you would want your daughter to put herself last and run on no energy. I share what one of our members heard from her seven-year-old after nine weeks, that she did not know what her mom was doing but she seemed so happy.

EVERY ONE OF THESE LIES PROTECTS YOUR EGO

I name the elephant in the room: each of these stories is a protection mechanism that justifies staying where you are. I explain why putting in work without results for years is already a kind of failure, and why every promise you break to yourself teaches your mind that your word is worthless.

THE ALIGNMENT CHECK

I give you a practice to do today. Ask yourself honestly whether your actions right now match your goals, and whether your goals match the standard you hold everywhere else in your life. I also explain why starting something two weeks ago does not count if you have been stuck for years.

LEAD BY EXAMPLE

I close by reminding you that your kids and the people around you learn from the way you set goals and the standard you hold for yourself. Leading by example only works when you are willing to be honest with yourself, and I invite you to tell me what you thought of this unscripted episode.