In this Unfiltered & Unscripted episode, Coach Jen and I are digging into the mindset that derails women more than any holiday treat ever could: the all-or-nothing mentality.
This isn’t about food.
It’s about the belief that you need a “perfect season” to stay consistent and the way that belief keeps you stuck in the same loop every year.
Here’s what we cover:
-
The truth behind the holiday all-or-nothing mindset
-
How this thinking shows up in real life during November and December
-
Why perfectionism keeps you stalled
-
How overcommitting leads to burnout and self-abandonment
-
The difference between adjusting expectations vs. lowering standards
-
How to build a simple, realistic plan that works for this season
-
What to start doing now so you don’t wake up in January starting over again
This episode is your reminder that you don’t need more discipline, you need a plan that fits your actual life. Stop waiting for the holidays to “calm down.” Start something small today and finally break this cycle for good.
Ready to Get Unstuck? Book Your Free Power Clarity Call
If you’re done repeating the same holiday cycle and you want a plan that actually fits your life — not the life you wish you had — let’s talk.
A free Power Clarity Call is where we look at:
-
what’s keeping you stuck,
-
what you actually want,
-
and the simplest path to get you moving again.
No pressure. No overwhelm. Just clarity, direction, and a plan that feels doable.
👉 Book your free Power Clarity Call here
Connect with Nathalia
Get my favorite pre-workout HERE
More about the Unfiltered Fit Life podcast
Ever wish you had a fit and straightforward BFF with over 15 years of experience to help you filter through all the information regarding fitness, nutrition, and life?
That’s exactly what you’ll get when you listen to the Unfiltered Fit Life Podcast.
Join Former Bikini Olympia Champion, mom of 2, and fitness coach Nathalia Melo each week as she shares fitness, nutrition, and life tips to help busy working moms simplify their fitness journey so they can learn easy and simple strategies on how to lose weight and feel sexy AF.
After helping over 5000 busy working moms, Nathalia has found the blueprint to fitness, nutrition, and life success, which she will be sharing in this podcast: actionable tips that will help busy working moms be more present at work and at home.
This show is for you if you realize that nothing good comes from your comfort zone and are ready to challenge yourself to achieve great things. Follow Unfiltered Fit Life wherever you are listening to join us each week for a splash of sass, humor, and a whole lotta truth.
The podcast transcript for this episode of the Unfiltered Fit Life podcast follows
The Holiday All or Nothing Mindset
Nathalia Melo [00:00:00]
Welcome back to the Unfiltered Fit Life. Today is our Unfiltered and Unscripted episode with Coach Jen. We just wrapped a three day live training, and one thing kept coming up over and over. The holiday all or nothing mindset. The idea that you have to be perfect until Thanksgiving, blow it out over the holidays, then restart in January.
Women think this is a willpower problem. It is not. It is a mindset pattern that keeps repeating itself every single year.
Where This Mentality Comes From
Nathalia Melo [00:02:36]
Both Jen and I talk about how this showed up in our competing days. Restriction. Bingeing. Saving certain foods for “after prep.” Tying our worth to how perfectly we could follow a diet.
Jennifer Lawson [00:03:02]
Jen explains how competing even pushed her into mental health counseling because she wanted to understand why she was going down these rabbit holes. She would deprive herself for weeks, then go all in on holidays or designated days because she felt she had earned it.
Nathalia [00:04:44]
It is the same thing women do now. You may not be competing, but the behavior is identical. Restrict hard before the holiday. Go to town on the holiday. Feel guilty after. Restart Monday or in January. The names are different. The pattern is the same.
The Wake Up Calls
Jennifer Lawson [00:05:54]
Jen shares that her wake up moment was buying holiday pants she loved and then finding two weeks later they did not fit. That was the moment she realized how quickly the cycle snowballed.
Nathalia [00:06:18]
My wake up moment was showing up to a Thanksgiving party with food in a Ziploc bag because I was scared of myself around food. I missed the whole night because I left early. Not because I wanted to, but because I was afraid. That is not health. That is fear disguised as discipline.
Why All or Nothing Is a Problem
Jennifer Lawson [00:07:19]
All or nothing makes food the priority instead of the people. Instead of memories, you think about macros. Instead of connection, you think about control. You start associating holidays with danger instead of joy.
Nathalia [00:08:15]
And what you think is discipline is actually fear of being out of control. Women confuse the two all the time.
Signs You Are Stuck In All or Nothing
Jennifer Lawson [00:11:02]
The most common signs:
-
You diet extra hard leading up to the holiday.
-
You are already making a plan to compensate.
-
You are restricting during the week because you know you will overeat.
-
You feel defeated because you did not hit your pre holiday goal.
-
You plan heavy cardio sessions to undo one meal.
-
You are telling yourself you will just restart in January.
Nathalia [00:12:53]
If you are already thinking about restriction before Thanksgiving, you are already in the all or nothing loop. It is not about the food. It is about the mindset.
The Deeper Layers
Jennifer Lawson [00:13:54]
Some women even start thinking about laxatives, fat burners, or enzymes that supposedly burn off the food. That is how deep this mindset can go. It is not always about overeating. It is about the fear attached to food.
Nathalia [00:14:03]
The only way to break this is to get brutally honest about where you are. No change happens without honesty.
Steps To Break The Holiday Cycle
Step One. Set your real goals.
Nathalia [00:14:54]
Not the goals you had at twenty. Not the goals you had before kids. The goals that fit your life today.
Step Two. Remove the stigma around holiday foods.
Jennifer Lawson [00:16:31]
If stuffing or pie is a once a year event, it becomes a novelty. When food becomes a novelty, it becomes the focus. You can buy stuffing any day of the year. You can have turkey in March. When you expose yourself to these foods regularly, they lose their power.
Step Three. Expose yourself to the foods ahead of time.
Nathalia [00:16:53]
We call this food exposure. If you are terrified of the foods you will see during the holiday, eat them now in a normal way so the novelty goes down and the fear goes down.
Step Four. Start something now.
Nathalia [00:17:21]
Waiting for January is the illusion. If your life is always busy and full of travel, then there is no slow season coming. Your plan has to work in your real life now.
Step Five. Adjust your expectations.
Nathalia [00:19:04]
You are comparing yourself to the version of you who had no responsibilities. That is not fair. You do not need to lower your standards. You need to adjust expectations for the season of life you are in.
Capable vs Able
Jennifer Lawson [00:21:05]
Women stay stuck because they want to live like their younger selves. They want to be the version of them who could spend two hours in the gym. You are capable. But that does not mean you are able in this season. There is a difference.
Nathalia [00:21:57]
And none of this means settling. I look better at forty one than I did when I won the Olympia. The difference is that now the plan matches my season of life and I am not trying to force something unrealistic.
Perfectionism and Overcommitment
Nathalia [00:26:01]
Most women who call themselves perfectionists cannot even define what perfection looks like. If the body you have now does not reflect those standards, your perfectionism is not serving you. It is stopping you from starting.
Jennifer Lawson [00:26:39]
Perfection is subjective. What is perfect for one woman is not perfect for another. Many women are chasing an idea someone else implanted in them. And if you cannot define what perfect means, you are not a perfectionist. You are stuck.
Nathalia [00:31:26]
Women overcommit because they do not want to sit alone with their thoughts. If you are always busy, you do not have to confront what you truly want. Holidays make this worse. If you say yes to everything, you say no to yourself.
Boundaries and Self Worth
Jennifer Lawson [00:36:23]
If you keep saying yes to avoid disappointing others, you end up disappointing yourself. Boundaries are a form of self-respect. Your kids learn from what you do, not what you say.
Nathalia [00:38:55]
Women think putting themselves last is noble. It is not. It is teaching your kids that taking care of yourself is optional. And your kids pay attention to what you model, not what you preach.
Preparing For Your Future Self
Jennifer Lawson [00:47:38]
Jen shares how she realized her son suddenly became taller than her. That moment made her think about the future. She wants to be strong enough to lift dishes, play with grandkids, bend, move, and live freely in her 60s. That does not start at 60. It starts now.
Nathalia [00:49:04]
If you wait for the perfect time, it may never come. You would never tell your kids to wait for January to work on something. So why is that the bar you set for yourself.
Final Question
Nathalia Melo [00:50:02]
What are you waiting for. Why does it have to wait until after the holidays. Why does it have to be chaos and reset every year.
It will not be perfect. But done will always beat perfect.
Final Thoughts
Jennifer Lawson [00:50:25]
Doing something now is progress. You were never ready to graduate high school, have kids, or start your career. You did it anyway. Take the same approach with your health. Start now.
Nathalia Melo [00:51:14]
And that is the episode. Unfiltered and Unscripted. Leave a review, send your messages, and tell us what you think of the new name. Thank you for being here. See you next time.
